My mother is really sick this week. I have no idea if it is some kind of flu or bug… or if it is simply her body in decline and showing signs of weakness and susceptibility. This would be hard to watch at any time, but this week, two of my sisters are here visiting from Maine.
It makes me think of how sometimes our best laid plans, can still go a rye. They have all been looking forward to this visit and spending time together. Especially mom. These are the events she tracks, does a countdown too, and spends time imagining.
It is not what any of us expected or anticipated. To be fair, they still have a week, so I am hopeful they will get some quality and fun time with each other.
Still, it makes me think of how I get locked into how I think something should be and what happens when it doesn’t turn out my way.
First of all, it creates some improvised dance with whatever does show up… Second, there is the mental and emotional fall out that comes from “not as planned”. And as you know if you have been following my blog for the past month or so… ‘planning’ and/or ‘not planning’ is taking up a bit of head-space as I’ve been trying to stay more present.
I have been noticing that because of this recent focus, responding to what is happening in the moment has been easier. Not easy…, because sometimes it sucks.., but easier. To be present to what needs to occur in the moment.
It has me think about where else in my life am I making things harder because I am so locked into “my plan”? I know that frequently.., alright…, almost always, the events that are happening in our lives are a reflection or a microcosm of what is happening elsewhere in the illusion we call our reality. So where am I resisting, persisting or insisting that a given situation have an outcome which is different than what is actually showing up?
I find myself trying to figure out what happens next. Then realizing I can’t know. I can respond to my mothers needs, but I can’t change the way she feeling. I want for my sisters to have a different experience while they are here on vacation, but this is what is showing up (for now).
This is life and things don’t always work the way we want them to… In the meantime, it is more important to respond to what is actually happening and make the most of those situations than it is to spin in circles trying to make it conform to our wishes.
Each of us is experiencing these past few days in our own unique ways. A shared experience that none of us would have planned this way. Yet in the end if an improvised dance is what is called for… that is what we’ll do! I guess it is time to bust-a-move.
With Light, Love, and Laughter