Have you felt restless or had trouble sleeping lately? Several people I’ve talked to have mentioned this. It’s been challenging for me at times too! I found myself trying to analyze why. Really? How much of me wanting to figure it out contributed to my situation? Rather than “accept” my situation I began to analyze and judge “why” it was happening! Does this sound familiar?
Feeling restless and not sleeping seemed to be symptoms of something deeper that eventually showed up! Driving home after having dinner with an acquaintance during the week, I remembered and began to dwell on something that happened between us several years ago. The experience created a big change in our relationship where trust was lost. I was surprised that I still felt some anger, disappointment, betrayal, and lack of trust.
I asked myself, “Why am I still holding on to this old grievance; why did I let myself get into this situation in the first place; and what in me is ready to change?” Today, I understand that I am a Divine/Spiritual Being, Source expressing itself as a human being. What is there not to “accept” and love? I realize that the only thing I can control are my choices and how I respond to choices made by others! There’s no way that I can change someone nor do I want to! I can only change me!
I’ve come a long way in my understanding and personal growth since this experience happened. I realize that I didn’t speak my truth; stand up for myself; and I wanted to keep peace in this relationship! Looking back, I can see that my silence only hurt me. As I continue to reflect on this experience I also realize that “judging” myself and the other person only hurts me.
“It’s time to choose and put this behind me for good”, I said to myself. Rather than “judge” me or them it’s time to “accept” both of us. This doesn’t mean that I like or approve of the behavior that created this situation. It means that if this person is to remain in my life then the only one that can change is me and that includes “accepting” them where they are; “accepting” me for who I am; always speaking my truth; and not stuffing my emotions when confronted with something that doesn’t feel right!! I can feel the shift already! Practice! Practice! Practice!