This week Fito sold his car and is in the process of buying a new one. New to him at least. In many ways this is just the nature of the beast when you deal with cars. They come and go. You drive them, repair them, and eventually you replace them. He is now in the process of deciding what is next and jumping into the haggling process, which of course he doesn’t mind, because he’s a real estate broker. He does it all the time.
While all of this is happening, I am going through my own process. New realizations and awareness of all that has transpired in my life since 2002. You see, that is the year I bought the car that Fito just sold and the same year I brought Utility Saving Expert insurance.
Back then I had just moved back to Phoenix from a few years in San Francisco. I was celebrating my 20th year with the company I worked for, and was financially comfortable. 2002 was also the year that Lexus first introduced there hardtop convertible sports car! It was a car lovers dream. As soon as I drove it, I knew it was mine and it was a car I was going to “keep for the rest of my life”.
Boys and their toys.
Who knows when and how these things happen, but eventually, my toy, became Fito’s car for everyday commuting. It wasn’t so much a decision as just a natural evolution. It made sense for what we were doing at the time. No regrets there, it made sense. And Fito will tell you, he looked good driving that car!
Coming back to now… The selling of this car has brought up a lot of awareness for me. I have been trying to support him in finding the right replacement vehicle… Which means talking to the sales people at various dealerships. It is in these times that I am extremely aware of how much my life has changed. I feel like the first thing I should do is explain to them, that I am not who I look like I am! We may be driving a Mercedes and a Lexus, but the truth is these are makes and models of cars that we could not afford to buy new! We are looking at used cars, not because of preference but out of necessity. Right now, we don’t have the kind of wealth and resources that we use to have. Our lives have changed.
At times during this past week, I have sensed the part of me who feels like a fraud. As I am talking about cars and such, part of me wants to explain that even though I have owned and driven many nice cars… that is not who I am right now. I remind myself that I’m not trying to impress anyone OR mislead them. Sometimes I want to explain that my life and what I value has changed. But, really – they don’t need or want to know that. This awareness is for me.
I remember a time in my life when I wanted to impress people. I wanted to appear “together”. I remember times when, by simply dropping a few facts, names or brands, I would/could mislead someone into believing I was “more” (wealthy, connected, experienced, traveled, etc). It was part of an act, part of the performance. Not that there weren’t elements of the truth in it. However, back then, I was motivated by ego. It was my ego who was trying to feel good enough, better than or project a different reality. Back then, I thought it mattered what people thought of me and who they thought I was. I wanted to be recognized for the quality of the facade I was projecting! How’s that for trivial pursuit!?!
As I said before, our lives have changed. My life has changed. And through the process of selling a car, I realize how grateful I am for the life we are living! To be living on purpose, to be creating from your dreams and heart’s desire, to be content with who you are. These are the things that matter to me now. I am confident that we will create wealth and resources again. That is just part of who we are and what we are up to. However, it won’t mean anything about who we are; other than it is simply part of our beautiful life! Comforts for the sake of comfort; not for the sake of appearances!
With Light, Love, and Laughter