What a great week! Cheri and Cathy – two of my sisters were in Phoenix for a visit, and on the day they left, Anita a friend for the past 32 years was here for a short visit. Plenty of laughs, reminiscing, and story telling!
It really has me thinking about that old adage “As much as things change, things stay the same”!
Sure we are all older now. The bodies creak or don’t move as quickly as they use to. There are even segments of time that are hard to recall. Yet what is constant is that there is history, content and connection. Perhaps that simply means is that there is Love.
I usually feel quite solid in who I am; what works in my life and what doesn’t; a set of predictable reactions to various situations. But when you are with friends and loved ones “who knew you when…”, all bets are off! I find myself reverting back to behaviors, roles or forms of self-expression that I thought would never see the light of day again!
This is not something that happens because the other person(s) demands or expects it.., it happens because of all those years of shared experience! They know and remember things about me that I might have forgotten (or be trying to forget!). Accomplishments; embarrassing things; stumbles and falls; successes; even bad hair or clothing choices! Hey… Some of us lived through the 80s!!!
And yet they are still here. Still part of my life. Still part of the unfolding story. And vise-a-versa!
One of the things I recognized for myself was the willingness to let them be exactly where they are without the need or want for anything to be different. I would love to say this has always been true… But in truth, I think in the past I always wished for “something more” for the people in my life. A significant other, a better job, easier time health-wise.., more.
In the past, this ‘want for them’ seemed sincere and honoring. Yet with the absence of it this time.., it actually makes it seem arrogant or maybe even judgmental. As if somehow, where they were or what they were doing wasn’t enough. Now mind you these are people I love.., so it’s a good thing to champion, encourage or support them. Yet, maybe where they are.., or where I am.., is exactly where we are suppose to be.
One theme that seemed to come several times is this idea that what we do – is not who we are. We can be so quick to assign ourselves labels. We can make ourselves wrong or less than simply by deciding that something we are doing (or not doing) means we are bad or <insert self-judgment here>. Yet the truth is, we are all perfectly imperfect. Not good or bad, more than or less than, right or wrong. Instead we are simply human beings having our own unique life experiences.
And sometimes, we are fortunate enough to have family and friends to count on through most of our journey! This week while, ‘As much as things have changed or stayed the same’.., what is most evident for me is the feeling of being blessed by many long term relationships! Virtual hugs to all of you. You know who you are!
With Light, Love, and Laughter
Charles
Virtual hugs right back to you! Our week was filled with so many different emotions, some great, some not so great but all the while loving the time we shared. Thank you for a great week. Love you
I love your annual visits Cheri and of course the way we are connected even when we are a couple thousand miles apart! It is always so fun… Even when it is not always easy.
Beautiful Charles! “One of the things I recognized for myself was the willingness to let them be exactly where they are without the need or want for anything to be different.” You are mastering unconditional love, what an inspiration!
Thanks Vikki! Although I am not sure I am ‘mastering’ unconditional love… Maybe having glimpses or sporadic success with it! We’re human! Do we really master anything when it comes to our emotions or do we simply become more intimate or fluid with them? AND I like the idea anyway!
Thanks for always being there for me!
I think learning unconditional love has to do so much with acceptance, at least for me it has. Once I accepted the understanding came.
Thank you Gretchen!
Please write more on the topic of “want for them,” Charles. You’ve opened Pandora’s Box with this post! Thank you!
I guess it can be a Pandora’s box mlhe! Here is what I was thinking about after I wrote this piece. It seems to me we hear something (“be present”, “accept them the way they are”, “listen to the guidance from within”, etc), and think we know what it means. Then we get the smallest hint of what one of these pearls of wisdom means, and we think… Ahh.., now I ‘really’ know!
Then one day we actually experience it… We are not trying. There is no struggle.., it just is. And we have a visceral knowing of what those words mean. We know the truth of them. And we then long for that knowing to be part of who we are everyday. Sometimes, we hold on to it…, sometimes it is fleeting until the next time it catches us by surprise. But once we have a taste of this truth.., we want it again and again.
That is why I said to Vikki that I am not sure I’ve mastered this. But I know I have tasted it…, and I want more!
Thank you for staying connected with me! It means a lot!
Charles, you always give me some new wisdom in myself.
Co-creation Sami! Co-creation! That’s what this is all about! Thanks for playing in the same sandbox with me! Miss you!
I do love your keen emotional insight! When I read your words that said “this ‘want’ for them seemed sincere and honoring”, something sparked in me. Lately, I have been wanting something “more” for my sister, but for some reason it left me feeling uncomfortable; not very honorable. I honestly wasn’t able to figure out why it didn’t make me feel good and loving, ‘I only want whats best for her’ I thought to myself. But, I see now, so clearly, that in truth, I am judging. Judging her choices and not really honoring her at all. I am so grateful to have that knowing now. I love my sister and do want that love to be unconditional. Being aware of my judgement helps both of us in the end. Thank you for your honesty and insight.
Thanks for sharing Patricia. It is a little sobering when we realize that what we thought was well-intentioned is actually limiting.., and or speaks more about where we are, then where they are. For me, I didn’t recognize it while I was doing it… Only in its absence. I am glad to have recognized it, but sure wish I could have recognized it on the previous occasions…
Hopefully in the future it will come with ease and grace. ????