Have you ever had one of those days when you wonder; “What am I pursuing?”
You could substitute the word pursuing with a different one such as doing, chasing, after, looking for, etc. But in general, you get the drift. What am I searching for?
At one point, I think we all search for the purpose of our life. Why are we here? The meaning of this life. I remember very well this sense of being content with my life, but still unsure of my own purpose. For a while, that became what I was pursuing. Life’s purpose.
It felt close, but elusive. If I didn’t know my purpose, did that mean that what I was doing was not enough; or fulfilling; satisfying? I remember at one time wanting to understand the meaning or purpose of this life so badly, that I was willing to upset everything in order to figure it out.
I am no longer searching for my life purpose. I understand why I am here, at least in a way that makes sense to me. Yet, I still feel the energy of being in pursuit of something.
But why? What am I pursuing? Am I missing something? Will life be <more, better, complete> if I find this elusive thing that I am after? Or have I just gotten so use to chasing after something, that I don’t know how not to be pursuing?
As I sit with this, it feels as if there is some truth to the idea or concept that I am pursuing something, because that is what I do. Then it begs the question “is this simply the doing versus being analogy all over again?
Although there may be a component of this. I think that this idea of searching or pursuing is its own addictive activity. We get rewarded or recognized for what we capture, conquer or acquire. It has been the nature of humankind for centuries. So much so that it is part of our nature, part of our DNA. We don’t have to know exactly what we are chasing, just a vague concept will suffice. Or perhaps it has a very specific target! A degree or certification, account balance, address, or bright shiny thing. Perhaps it is to know ourselves at our core and to perfect this human experience.
Yet now.., it feel like a great time to ask myself… Why?
What would happen if I simply enjoyed life? How about if I let “it” come to me on its own terms. That rather than having an agenda or something that I am after or pursing… Maybe I could simply interact and dance with what presents itself.
What if I valued the experiences I was having, versus trying to create some new experience by looking or searching for something different, than that which is right in front of me?
Perhaps I am arrogant enough to believe that the only way I will create, have or enjoy all that this life has to offer is if I go after it with all the effort I can muster. Pursue it until I find it. As if the Universe isn’t already aligned to provide everything I need. Maybe this is one more level of my attempt or desire to control! I pretend I already know what is important or meaningful, simply by pursuing it! Gosh, I feel the arrogance and humility that co-exists in this way of thinking. The desire for more and the expectation for it to be a certain way!
I know it is my nature to pursue. Yet in this moment, I long to be still and to see what is naturally revealed.
With Light, Love, and Laughter
Charles
Charles, supermagnanimous… this is my favorite of all your musings… I too have been on a similar quest to not have a quest, but to enjoy the moment, being complete today. It’s enough to simply act within my limited circle of influence and hope at minimum that it helps to make the world a better place, or at minimum bring least harm. I’ve had many grandiose visions in the past, built businesses, sold great pieces of real estate, spoke to crowds of hundreds, and all of those so-called successes I called them at the time took so much energy, yet did not bring me more joy than the simple hiking crusades I participated in, with just me and nature, spending very little money, doing that which came natural in the primitive forest, living as our ancestors lived. So many of us spend too much energy just clarifying our “mission,” when in fact just “being” is enough. No more complications and “pursuing,” “chasing,” “looking for,” or whatever we choose to name it. Thanks for sharing your stories, Darla
Perhaps it was you bringing forward last week, the idea of living with non-attachment; that inspired to wonder about pursing Darla!?! Your ongoing support and acknowledgment means a lot and always helps me take another look or deeper slice of what is evolving in my world! Thanks for being present!
Yes, Charles, I did comment last week about non-attachment… all so interconnected with our theories… detach & allow and all that… thanks for sharing your path and acknowledging me… fun to be partners on this phenomenal journey we call life & learning… I’m still receiving aha’s by the hour about your last post… what a revelation… I have to keep reminding myself not to struggle. Yes, I want to create and make the world a better place, but from a place of excitement about the joy and fun of learning while creating… Until next week, Darla
Charles, your article came at a good time for me…..I am in the act of pursuing which is not granting me the peace I seek. I am grateful with all that I have yet the unfulfilling feeling that I should be doing more nags at me in my core. Thank you, I like the notion of letting life naturally reveal it self……that means for me to engage by being fully present in the moment and not letting “I should be doing more grab me by the throat choking the life from my living. I am sure it is the control factor ugh……I want to dance with what is here with me right now…..as I WRITE THIS I FEEL A POWERFUL RELEASE AND PEACEFULNESS, I SMILE….thank you so very much for your thoughts that heal me. Sending love and blessings
Thank you Ernine for deepening the visceral experience this energy of pursing creates when we are not present or being mindful. I also appreciate you sharing the ‘release’ that is available just by acknowledging it! I might look for what else wants to be set free,and the peace that comes with that! Thanks for journeying with me and being part of the support system that is available to all of us!
Well said. Thank you!
Thanks Lori! Great to see you this past week!
“What would happen if I simply enjoyed life? How about if I let “it” come to me on its own terms. That rather than having an agenda or something that I am after or pursing… Maybe I could simply interact and dance with what presents itself.”
I’m reading this just after our phone time this morning….. and laughing all the way!!! So fun learning and living these lessons together. Thanks for all you teach and inspire within me, Dear Friend. xo Grasshoppa
It is fun to sit with this musing and then overlay the celebration of our conversation today Gail! Thanks for connecting the dots for me once again!