Self-Sabotage

“I will not sabotage myself”.

This has been my mantra for the last week or ten days. I say this whenever I am tempted to do something that goes against my happiness, health, or well-being. And strangely enough, I am saying it more than I might imagine!

I am always changing something. Always in the process of personal improvement. It is a constant game of wanting things in my life to be different than how they are currently. Perhaps it is more accurate to say I want the me who shows-up in my life to be different.

But the constant pursuit of being something or someone different than I already am is exhausting. It is tedious. This means inevitably, I let down my guard or resent the discipline that is required to maintain a state of mind to constantly “improve”.

For a lot of us, who navigate life using our connection to internal guidance, our spirituality or to All-That-Is, the exploration for that deeper more expanded connection can become addicting. The more we explore, the more we want to explore. As we shift and change, we want to shift and change even more.

Let’s face it, my life is completely different than it was before I used my spirituality as the guiding motivation. I am different. And because I feel more fulfilled than ever. I long for more fulfillment.

And… There’s the rub! That pursuit of “more” personal fulfillment, is taking me out of the moment. It is actually working against one of the core principles of Intentional Living: Stay Present.

If I am constantly looking for deeper levels of happiness, health and wellness…, I am not paying attention to where I currently am with them. I have turned them into goals that require managing and oversight. They become burdensome tasks.

It is my awareness of this disconnection with the present moment and the demands I have created for “more”, that helped me realize I continually sabotage myself when I get locked on to an imagined future where I will have achieved X,Y or Z.

The truth is we are constantly becoming more of who we are. We are naturally evolving. And of course, being intentional about our own personal growth and deepening our spirituality is a great place to put our attention. Just not at the expense of missing the moments of our lives. The Now, the present.

This means whenever I am thinking about doing something, that takes me away from my connection to the moment, I use my mantra “I will not sabotage myself”. If I want happiness, health and well-being… whenever I find myself contemplating something that is out of alignment with that.., I say it to myself.

I think for a lot of us, we make decisions and choices that are out of alignment or sync, when we are too engaged with the future or past! This means we are not in touch with who we are in the moment.

We are constantly shifting energetic frequencies. Holding on to past behaviors, issues or circumstance or even imagined futures ones, diverts our energies away from who we are in the present. Especially when we are attempting to change, control or manipulate these past or future circumstances.

It is good to remember that the past is a backdrop and the future is elusive, like a dangling carrot. Neither one is worth sabotaging ourselves or the present moment for!

With Light, Love, and Laughter
Charles

9 Comments

    • Thank you Kebba for being connected!

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  1. Once again you hit the mark on what is happening in my life these days. This must speak to what they say is the “human condition”. The pull to the future and/or past is so strong at times the struggle is off-balancing. UGH! Thank you for the reminder that we are powerful, in control and using an interrupter, like a mantra, can make all the difference. NOW if I can just remember it in that critical moment! πŸ™„

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    • There’s relief in your message Mary.., the reminder that it is the ‘human condition’ and that many of us experience similar things at the same time! It helps to have great company! πŸ™‚

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  2. It is always fascinating for me to read your posts and feel the synchronicities with what I am experiencing. I have noticed a very similar pattern recently, and sprinkled a rather generous helping of self-judgment on top of that. My question to myself as I notice this (repeatedly) is, “what is the most loving thing I can do for myself in this moment?” It is an entirely new protocol and I don’t always have the answer, but as with your new mantra, I feel progress is being made toward the ever elusive goal of inhabiting the present moment. Thank you, Charles!

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    • I know, right!?! And, I thank you for the positive spin. I was out for my nightly walk, when I had this insight about using words in my reminder-mantra that were more positive and about what I wanted.., not what I don’t want. Here you have provided one. Yet I also know that there is something powerful in the word sabotage for me. Maybe it is that sense of doing something small that can cause a lot of damage. I’m not sure. So I am still sitting with it.., and using it as a jolt back to a more empowered choice. Thanks for hanging with me!

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      • Charles, I am so glad you’ve landed on positivizing your language around this. That said, sometimes our Body-Mind-Spirit system throws a monkey wrench in the gears to slow us down to meet Divine Timing for incoming/upcoming happenings. Sometimes we get inspired and take off at a run, throwing on a bathrobe and zooming off in our chariot– to where? Sometimes slowing down is just the thing, and “sabotage” may be the Divine monkey wrench at work. And you just gave me perfect fruit for a column! Peace and Grace– Kebba

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        • Taking off at a run based on a simple idea or thought is a well-known chariot ride for me Kebab! Thanks for the visual! Share your article with me when it is done… I am sure it will be tasty fruit! πŸ™‚

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