I have been bumping up against this internal issue for awhile. It happens so often, that it feels as if it is a huge wall. Insurmountable, impenetrable and too vast. The internal issue is my natural tendency to choose a side.
With small everyday events or circumstances, it is so ingrained, that most of the time I am not even aware I am doing it. Hearing a piece of music, food choices on a menu, service offered at a business. The list goes on.
However, when I slow it down and I look at how I am sorting an categorizing these daily norms… I realize I am choosing a side. I like it or I don’t like it. It is good or it is bad. It is right or wrong. I am sorting and classifying every situation in my life.
Now imagine (since this is my standard operating procedure), what happens when it becomes more significant. Politics, religion, racism, LGBT issues/civil rights, abortion, war, terrorism, pollution, cruelty to animals, diseases and their treatments. The same thing happens. I choose a side.
As soon as I become aware of something happening in one of these areas, I decide which side I am on. I decide that the person or people who are on the other side are bad or wrong. I have chosen a side. I have effectively created a separation between myself and anyone who has a different perspective. And I don’t think I am alone!
As a matter of fact, I usually have many allies on my side who appear to agree with me! We have effectively isolated ourselves into a like-minded group. Together, we reinforce our “rightness”! And then a different issue arises and we realign and choose sides again.
We have become conditioned to a world where it appears duality is inevitable! Where separating ourselves into groups and factions presents itself as normal. Where we feel safe and protected by isolating ourselves in our comfort zones.
Yet…, it’s not working for us! It is not working for me.
This is where the huge wall comes in. I have known and felt this for awhile, but I don’t actually know what to do about it or how to change it. To even start to evaluate it feels as if I begin to loose my identity. It feels like if I don’t choose a side, that means I have given up and the other side wins. I don’t actually have any experience NOT choosing a side!
When I try to imagine not taking a side, suddenly it feels as if my only choice is to become very passive. I feel weak.., as if I am giving up. I tell myself that this means I have lost my passion and have given up my perspective. My mind can’t figure out how to exist.
Well actually.., my ego can’t figure out how to exist!
The world around us is changing. It is becoming more complex and yet there is a call to simplicity. We are evolving at a rate we have never known before. Not because we are separate, but because we are more connected than we have ever been before. We have created a web of communication that relays tragic events in Paris and Lebanon around the world instantaneously. Not because we are on separate sides, but because we are one.
Duality and separation have ruled for too long and want to die away. But that worldview is not going to change by itself. Instead each one of us will have to find our own journey towards unity and oneness. We will have to begin to see the circumstances of our lives for what they really are; part of a continuum. An inclusive scale that contains it all. Every color of the rainbow, not just black and white.
I long for the ability to own where I am along this continuum, and the freedom to allow others to be where they are without feeling isolated from them, simply because the only tool I use is a wall of separation.
I wish I could say I know how I am going to make this internal shift. But the truth is, it is all new territory for me. To begin with, I think I will begin to pay attention to whenever I feel separate from another group and then ask myself “How it would feel to have a preference, yet not choose a side”?
Any thoughts or recommendations?
With Light, Love, and Laughter
Charles
You can listen and absorb or listen and object and/or deflect a view. We have to challenge ourselves by always hearing varied opinions and make our best effort to read and listen to educated views. changing long held opinions or values is always a struggle. We cannot grow as individuals without new outlooks and broader understanding through another’s perspective. I think holding back on any issue is the most difficult position to take. It is important to try.
Words of wisdom Layne.., words of wisdom! Let’s try!
Hi Charles,
Your expressing of this all too common human dilemma is much felt. I know exactly what you mean. As Carl Yung put it, we are all connected in this web of life, via the collected unconscious. I guess it is because of our connections and relatedness that we take sides. We can relate to one side more than the other. Sometimes we’ve been through some of the aspects of the issue we’re taking sides on. I like your conclusion, “with laughter.” Not take ourselves too seriously and have awareness. Be compassionate with ourselves. That helps us to peel the layers of ourselves like an onion.
That’s what comes to mind.
Blessings and light, Lavinia~
Thanks Lavinia… You’re so right! Time to not take ourselves too seriously! It is also soothing to think of this a being influenced by the collective unconscious. Because that means the way to shift it is by moving it to the conscious realm! Maybe that is wha we are doing just by being in dialog about it! ๐
Thanks for putting into words what I feel. As I become more of an observer to events-instead of choosing a side- I seem to lose myself. I don’t know how to behave in this new space but I do know that I feel compassion, love and peace more often. I like the feel of that space but am not quite comfortable in it. I will try on the preference thought and see where it takes me.
Thanks for linking the internal ‘Observer’ to the Jeanne…, that is definitely something that continues to become stronger and more active in my life. I usually think of it as away to allow myself to feel a range of emotions without judging them as good or bad.., but what they are; a natural form of human expression… And the only thing that is real. I could see how this could translate to this situation too. Maybe soon we will both be comfortable in our new way of being – open without taking a side.
Dear Charles,
I love this teaching! And, the answer resides inside of your writing. Since your ego is creating the separation, connect with your Divine self and Unity consciousness. Then consider residing in the Divine unknowing with each situation! The Divine unknowing of what is in the highest good of all concerned. The Divine unknowing of what the spiritual path is for another being. The unknowing of Divine perfection. This has become part of my daily practice.
with blessings,
Ellen
Thanks Ellen. The concept of Divine unknowing is a new concept for me…, but hey, it sounds good. Especially if it can be an elixir for the ego! Thanks for sharing!
Beautifully said, Charles, and the first step to oneness. I join you in my desire not to choose sides by asking myself the same question, ” How does it feel to have a preference and not choose a side?” We are so asleep to ourselves and our capabilities. Thank you!
Thanks Judy… It really is an opportunity to awaken more by simply being with whatever is! BTW.., two of your pieces have already been sold! ๐
Hi Charles. I enjoyed your blog. My thoughts tie to your closing question “How would it feel to have a preference, yet not choose a side?” I see two paths here: the first is as stated — you/we have a preference but it’s just that, our preference. to me, having an opinion or position doesn’t automatically equate to needing to share it. The second path is where I don’t have an opinion and/or enough knowledge to form an opinion. Why is it that we feel we must always know something about everything? What happened to the days of ‘seeking to understand before being understood?’ Our social world (or in my opinion un-social world) feeds us so much news in little vignettes that it seems we feel a need to quickly form opinions and/or take sides on issues that we really do not have enough information to form an opinion on. Moreover, just because we gain limited knowledge of something doesn’t mean we must immediately create a summation of that limited info? Wouldn’t the phrase “I don’t know enough about that to have an opinion?” or better yet “I don’t have an opinion on that” suffice? If we are in a dialogue with someone who does have an opinion, simply allow them to share their thoughts without passing judgment, thank them for sharing, and move on to another topic. I am okay with not needing to know everything. I know who I am and my self-esteem is not impacted simply because I don’t know something or choose not to form an opinion on every topic that the world throws at me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I enjoyed the opportunity to dialogue! ๐
Thanks Carmen. I love what you said about “opinions”… And even reading it, could feel the part of me that does exactly what you described… Forms an opinion too quickly without having enough knowledge. That part of myself that wants to be perceived as smart, or authoritative, or ???
The idea of letting someone share there opinion and just letting it be.
You can probably tell… Much of what you’ve shared will take some practice for me! Thanks… I needed that!
Yes, yes, yes… Non dualistic living is a challenge and our egos get pretty confused. I am working on hearing, seeing experiences and before I take sides, say “yes, and…” The “and” gives us a second to reflect that the opposite view has a point too. It can be tricky over strongly held beliefs and I often search for what that “and” could be. Richard Rohr teaches this non dual thinking and I often turn to his writing to figure it out… The magic of And
Good to know we continue to be on the same path, moving in the same direction Mary!
Beautifully written Charles! The path of rising above duality is found in realizing the perfection in all of it. Divinity or life, works in a way that provides one main objective – Awareness. All is unfolding to give you the opportunity to decide who you are in relation to all the happenings you experience and to help you construct the world you imagine. The paradox is that resistance creates time. So in order to change something you must first accept that “it has been the truth until now”. Then immediately intend to see it differently and create it differently trying to not let resistance be a part of your creative energy. Work with the full truth not against it. This will allow you to be the most effective you can be in your daily walk to really change it. To take a side is human. To rise above it all is divine love, thought an energy and very powerful! Much love!
Thanks Howard. I appreciate you sharing your insights. Two things stand out… Accepting the truth as it is right now and how resistance creates time. I get both of these in a way that really resonates and yet also know that embracing them as part of daily life will require some attention and intention. Just this morning as I was responding to a social media post about something political, I realized I had already dropped my guard and was once again buying into us against them. Reset… shift… release. Thanks for the great reminder of how we are constantly creating our reality… much love back! ๐
Great dialogue…. thank you everyone who’s sharing in this living conversation here, and other spaces and places, too.
I don’t have any big insights or wisdom to share in this moment. What I can say in this context is what a radical awakening it is for our human family to allow the realization is that there is no “they” over there, in the grand illusion. I’m inviting and aiming myself to bring more of the truth and mattering of “WE” to the forefront
of my corner of consciousness…. it’s both freeing and confronting. And the everything-in-between on any given day.
Sometimes blurry is the most honest point of clarity I can muster.
Rising above duality is a beautiful and valid approach to the more of divinity. I also find that a willingness to sink deeply into duality, into the messy substance of it,
with with openness and curiosity, with consciousness, compassion and respect for All That Is, is another beautiful and valid approach to the more of divinity. I imagine countless avenues and expressions can lead us to the expand and share the experience of Oneness…. seems to be beckoning to us just now, more insistently.
And we are answering, in our ways, ever unfolding. I’m heartened to be in such good company…. and working on the domains that seem like I’m in the “company of strangers”.
To borrow from the wisdom of the child play game ‘This Little Piggy’, “……and THIS little piggy went We, We, We, We, all the way Home.”
Charles, you are a constant invitation for us to pave our own ways uniquely, through reflection and connection, in solitude and community.
Thank You, Dear Friend.
Thanks Gail for offering other possibilities for connecting with our sense of connection and oneness. The idea of moving into an embracing the energies that represent duality and accepting them where they are and seeing them as part of the oneness. Cycle of Life!
Thanks for being part of my community on so many levels!