By the time you read this my 10 day vacation will be over. My adventure in California is in the past, and it is time to once again get focused. Where I am going and what we are doing is once again becoming the priority.
But I am resisting that. I am tired of trying to plan and plot a course into some unknown future. I feel drained of ideas. Each attempt to view down the path feels uninspired. As if it is a rehash of something already tried or a road already traveled.
There is a uneasiness about this time. A questioning. A resistance to more of what has been. I wish I could say I feel like something new wants to emerge. But that would simply be me saying what I think I am suppose to say. The truth is ‘nothing’ is what is on my mind.
While I was away, I disconnected from my own day-to-day life. I shut off the routine I know so well. I forgot about the duties and obligations of running a small business. Of paying bills, planning events, and setting priorities and projects in motion.
It all stopped. Miraculously I might add. I got lost in the non-routine. I got lost in the moment.
And I am having a hard time letting that go.
I am hoarding the next 24 hours. I am being stingy with where I put my energy and focus. I am resisting ‘coming back’ from vacation. Even though I know, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I love my life and what I get to do. I have also loved the break from it.
Without the constant focus of business. Without the future orientation that most of us have to operate under in our careers, work or how we make a living. There has been a sense of freedom. A sense of present moment awareness. The gift of nothingness, other than what feels easy or fun. I am missing this experience already. I am grieving the end of my break from responsibilities.
As high as my resistance is… I know I am right where I am suppose to be. It is a sign that my vacation has not only been a success.., It was probably long overdue.
What a feeling it is to forget! What a feeling it is to set down the image or identity we so easily adopt or wear when we are doing our work. Even when what we do, we do with authenticity and pleasure.
Yes, by the time this becomes another blog post in the archives, I will be back to doing what I love and this time of letting go and disconnection will be fading memories. But oh so worth it. Because when it is all said and done… unlike an electronic device.., we humans recharge our batteries by unplugging!
So I am going to squeeze a few more hours of freedom out of this day…, before I plug in!
With Light, Love, and Laughter