I get a lot of feedback on my weekly blog/newsletter… Most of the time it is positive and encouraging. This past week, I received the following e-mail:
“Hello, In case no one has told you your e-mails and letters use to be so uplifting. Sorry to say I just don’t even read them anymore! They are just a downer! Not this one it’s been the last few months!
Hope things get better for YOU!”
It took me a little bit by surprise, because, I was not aware that my weekly musings had taken a downward turn in terms of tone or content. So I sat with it for a couple of days trying to absorb any truth that was there and to let anything go that didn’t feel like it was mine to own.
It got me thinking about the past few months and what might, in some subtle or undetectable way, be influencing the way I communicate my experience(s). I have been feeling blessed and amazed by my life, most of the time. Yet, there is also some confusion, discomfort and even awkwardness that is occurring!
You see, in the past (50 years!) I have looked to the circumstances of my life to figure out what was or needed to change, shift or was simply “going to hell in a hand basket”! I can’t tell you how many times I moved or changed jobs; started or stopped a relationship; lost weight, gained weight or began to focus on health or let myself go.
When I sensed the need for change or it felt like I was in transition; it was easy to look to the circumstances of my life and make adjustments there.
Well the past six months has been very different. I can feel the intense energies associated with change and transformation. Yet, when I look to the circumstances of my life.., my husband, home, family, friends, business, health.., there is nothing there that I want, need or feel compelled to change. But how I relate and interact with all of it feels different. Not better, not worse. Just different. So this shift or change that I am experiencing is all internal.
It really makes me wonder how many times in the past have I felt an internal shift; then turned it around and made it about the external circumstances of my life? Did I really need to change jobs or positions when I felt the stirring or longing for more? Did I start or end relationships because of the desire for or resistance to intimacy? How many times have I changed the external circumstances of my life, when what I really needed to do was be with the discomfort or growing pains of my own internal shift or personal growth.
Now mind you, I realize that many of the changes that have occurred with people, places and things were absolutely perfect and were part of creating and manifesting my desires and dreams. At the same time, I am also aware that this is not the first time I have felt the discomfort of simply being. Feeling the energies of a shift or change and yet not being able to define who, what when or where! This is just the first time I am willing to sit with it.
To get back to the feedback I received. I realize a couple of things. My sense of confusion or discomfort with not knowing what this time of transformation is all about, may come across as negative or a downer to someone else (even if that is not my intention). And, I am done with making changes in my physical reality, when that is not what is being called for. The old analogy of trying to fix your hair by reaching for your reflection in the mirror, comes to mind. That is not where the real change happens!
With Light, Love, and Laughter
Charles
Hi Charles, well, there are as many different ways to view your writings and the feedback as there are grains of sand on the oceans of time. If someone wanted an uplifting leadership from you, then perhaps your writings at times might leave some readers without a light to look up to, not realizing all the light has to come from within their own shining path. I observed within myself that when I read your blogs, I admire the honesty and the writing, as if it’s the beginning chapters of a marvelous novel that portends great revelations, redemption and glory coming around the corner, like a struggling song writer who works for years writing, sharing, receiving moderate praise, short on compensation, until the big shift when dozens of songs are now recognized and grammy awards arrive year after year, along with the financial long-over-due earnings, finally! Your written observations about your own reactions to life and the changes demanded of you are insightful. It’s possible that your role in your business demands a different perspective than your personal life. Some people may expect you to be filled with marvelous insight and having accomplished the holy grail. That’s another angle to consider… what is your role as a writer? Who is your audience? Does it serve you and the people you serve to write your truth? In the final analysis, your truth is in fact the most important thing, for yourself and for your followers. Unfortunately, you cannot please all your readers due to their own expectations and needs, and the conflicting demands on your role. Which hat are you wearing today? Only you can decide how to interpret the feedback. Good luck. I’ll keep reading. As a side note to the one who commented, I do understand. Darla
Thanks Darla… I appreciate the feedback and your insights. I thought about including my response to them, but decided against it. The truth is that part of my response is that it is not my goal to write uplifting posts. My goal is to be authentic and real about the ups and downs of life. And… I have come to realize that even though I share these musings every week… The truth is they are as much for me as they are anyone else. They have become a cathartic process for me and I consider my time contemplating and writing a very rich and personal time.
With that said… I appreciate someone taking the time to connect and communicate with me (Thanks again!). There is always some insight or perspective to gain! And being in dialog is how we get to know one another better!
Right, so you have identified what’s important, sharing your truth and your evolving ongoing personal development, something we all do every day, and we should all be as aware and introspective as you. That’s the path to freedom… first awareness, then observation, then choosing to learn from our experience, and then taking a leap in consciousness as a result of all that catharsis and self-awareness as we free ourselves from whatever holds us back from a life of passion and commitment… it’s the whole basis of all talk therapies; I always recommend that my clients keep a journal and write in it as often as possible. My meditation classes start at Mesa Library (I sent you a schedule to your info email last week) and I am giving them all a journal; that’s how important it is, and giving them a journal is one way to show them how important it is. Until later, better and better, Darla
“I am done with making changes in my physical reality, when that is not what is being called for.”
Whoa!
Now there’s another chapter in your blog, my friend! “…making changes in my physical reality…” is something you do ALL THE TIME AND SPACE, even when all you are doing is sitting still and meditating/praying/breathing.
What I think you mean is about watching for alignments. The person who commented that your words seemed to be of a lower vibration than he or she preferred brought you into alignment with criticism, and you paid attention to it. A fact–no emotion needed. Then you paid attention to how you felt about the situation. I’m sure your reply was a “thank you” for getting the opportunity to see things from that other person’s perspective. So you replied. Then you wrote this blog and … changed other lives with the words you used to describe the experience.
So how do you determine “what is called for?”
Could it be that “what is called for” is:
Paying attention
Feeling for how the alignment happens
Throwing love at the situation by using your spirit, your “higher self”
Acting in love
Having a heart that is open
Being grateful for all of it
What was called for this morning was reading your blog and making this response. And you know what? It was FUN!
Wow MHLE… You said a mouthful! And I love that it was fun for you. You are right, it is about looking for alignment. By creating the dialog in the first place, they sent me, and now you on a journey to find what feels true. It helps bring us current. Thanks for sharing your insights and perspective! Even more food for thought!
What I find compelling – what keeps me reading every week – is the authenticity and honesty of your process. (If you later realized you weren’t being authentic or honest about something, you’d SAY, “I realized that at that point I wasn’t being authentic or honest.”) It’s useful for ME to observe you working through your experiences, as they are, sincerely trying to understand how YOU are.
Thanks Patricia… One of the realizations that came out of this for me is that it is not really my goal to write positive or uplifting articles… But to write about what’s going on in my life… The ups and the downs. Hopefully by examining, celebrating, processing and sharing them, I learn, grow or keep things moving and flowing. It is much more about authenticity! So I appreciate your feedback!
Thank you for being an honest, gracious voice for all of us. If you were always a Polly Anna about everything, your “voice” and authenticity would be greatly diminished. I find your soul-sharing and processing to be enlightening and most often offers a paradigm that is not always apparent. Your blog is the only one I always read.
I appreciate your courage to share and your generosity of spirit to take the time to put it out there for us. If life and work and people were always perfect for you or anyone, I wouldn’t believe it for a second and I’d stop reading. And, because I’m always digging deep to be and do my best, your writing helps me realize, I am not alone. That’s big. You also encourage me to take the time to look deeper.
Please keep being you! I find the message sent to you to be less than supportive and an unnecessary criticism that served little purpose in the scheme what you do and who you are. My question is why would anyone take time to write it and send it? Certainly doesn’t feel helpful! I’m not interested in anyone pandering to me.
I don’t see this as a coaching opportunity for you either Charles, as I don’t see you requesting help here! Please don’t censor a word or a thought Charles. You’re doing great, as you are!
Thank you Joy Catcher. I appreciate all of your feedback and insights. I especially like the last part about this not being a request for coaching around this or a problem in any way. I am grateful that someone would take the time to indicate that something had changed for them and their reflections on what it might be. With that said, I did not take it on as a problem or something that I needed to fix or even that something was wrong. I got invaluable direction on where to look for what was/is shifting for me. I learned a lot by reflecting on the question, “What if this were true.” And “What is different today, then a few months ago.” I now have an awareness about where I am these days and what I am trying to achieve that I might not have had without this timely prompt! I appreciate you seeing this.., and hanging in there with me! Love the journey!