As the earth and the entire human race shudder with the monumental shifts occurring, the pendulum seems to swing more dramatically back and forth from the darkness of isolation to the light of inclusion and connection. I believe the key to navigating these changes is to be willing to experience the full discomfort of the dark places, however briefly, and realize that though part of the experience, it is actually what is falling away , making room for a greater intimacy with each other and “All That Is”.
For me personally, the entire month of October featured one experience after another that left me feeling wounded, rejected, unworthy, inadequate and fearful. Astrologically, the planet of Chiron, the Wounded Healer,( representing our deepest wounds and efforts to heal them) and the asteroid Black Moon Lilith, (representing our deepest fears and shadow side) feature prominently for all, bringing attention to these skeletons in our closets.
November arrived and with it the determination to move through my fear paralysis. Painting time in the studio was being avoided due to a lack of clear direction. Fortunately, I had a commission, although I did not know if I could accomplish what had been asked (a horrifying prospect for me). I began anyway with little-to-no confidence, and what I saw on the canvas initially was quite unappealing. I heard, “Be with it in its ugliness”…I listened and persisted. As so often happens when surrender to the creative process is achieved, a magical painting resulted!
Feeling triumphant, I moved on to the next item on the agenda, a meeting to discuss some ongoing issues with my website and web traffic. Suddenly, I was plunged back into the depths of darkness, as I was made aware of unrealized debt, reminded of less than optimal choices, shown evidence of failure, and gripped by deep confusion about how to move forward, along with debilitating overwhelm. Although everything in me wanted to run, I knew I needed to accept and acknowledge these difficult aspects, and be with them, (briefly!).
Painting class followed the meeting and the assignment was a lone figure on the canvas, a circle under her feet. I felt relieved to be back in the creative space and gratefully willing to allow the process to unfold. It quickly became clear that the figure was a healer and the energy of the painting was soothing and reassuring.
“So what are you to be called?”, I asked the painting, and I heard the reply, “Emma”. Odd, I thought, not “Holding Space”, “Delicate Balance”, or “TGTO” (Thank God THAT’S Over). I turned to my dear friend Google and found that “Emma” means “whole” or “universal”.
The essence of this story is, I believe, that we are all moving back and forth between the illusion of separation and the truth of wholeness. The events of my day illustrated to me in an absolutely unforgettable way that commitment to presence, and surrender to Source Energy (available to all of us in every situation, actually the greater part of us) yields the heart-restoring knowledge that the Universe ALWAYS has our back in the most loving and supportive ways.
~ Vikki Reed