More Questions Than Answers

morequestionsthananswersI love having the answers. From the time I was a young student in grammar school, it was exciting to be called on and hear the teacher say, “That’s correct!” It felt so gratifying and affirming to know, to be right.

As I grew successively into the roles of employee, artist, wife, mother, friend and confidant, it was a source of pride for me that people in my life often came to me for guidance in times of trial. Knowing who I was, what to do, and be able to offer help to others satisfied me and gave me a sense of purpose.

The shift began in 2000 and everything changed. My marriage failed, my creative expression evolved and became more challenging, relationships crumbled, my confidence eroded rapidly. I began my quest in earnest for healing, a deeper spiritual connection, in essence to find out what was “wrong” with me.

In the 15 years that followed, my life has undergone, shall we say, a heavy remodel, basically, demolition to the very foundation. I have viewed this less often as an opportunity and more as tragic loss after loss. Creating mandalas, such as “More Questions Than Answers, Not Simply Black and White”, has been my way to make peace with my experience.

Meeting with Charles just last Wednesday, he offered the suggestion that I teach. I replied that I felt empty, not knowing, without the answers that I assume everyone is seeking.

He said, “What if you invited people into your process and let them see your search?”

This syncs up perfectly with the vulnerability practice I have been studying. It never occurred to me that I could be of value to others as I “sit with the unanswered questions”, which to me seems about as comfortable as letting a large spider crawl slowly up my arm.

Reflecting on Charles’ words, they make perfect sense. These are times of unparalleled transformation and change. I am simply one of the collective who is being called upon to question everything, feel the discomfort of the unknown, and take courageous and confident steps into the unseen future, trusting fully in the benevolent collaboration of the Divine. It is a way to reawaken to the greater truth, and access the eternal part of us that knows on the deepest level. How brilliant that we can encourage each other by being authentic and vulnerable during this process.

I am guest writing for Charles this week and next, if you would like to follow my blog it is https://chakramandalas.wordpress.com/

8 Comments

  1. Vikki….thank you for sharing….I would imagine we all start our journey of discovery in many different ways. Mine started with a trip to Florence, Italy 45 years ago and it put me in a whirlwind and thirst to find out who I really am. No matter where I am at…be it in peace…or confusion…..or fear….or joy, what I know to be true without fail is that…ALL IS WELL…it always is!

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  2. Wonderfully written Vikki. Thank you for sharing what lives inside you, and for for sharing your expression through art. You shine.
    Namaste

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  3. Hehehehehe, I am laughing because I can see we are more alike than different! I’m a question person also and I’m not alone! Thank You

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  4. Beautiful job, Vikki. In my experience I have to be willing to ask (and stay with) the questions, to find the answers. You got this!

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  5. Gorgeous honesty….. happy unfolding. Thank you for sharing your poetry in motion, Vicki. As you give voice to your experience, many voices rise up…. within me, and so many. Voices of recognition and acknowledgment…. voices of
    paradox…. voices of intimacy expanding through loving expression and truth-be-told sharing. I am grateful to receive
    your words and wisdom this evening.

    We haven’t met (yet), however I am a fan via Charles and Storm Wisdom….. so I’m hoping we will sometime soon.

    Blessings all around,
    Gail

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    • Thank you Gail for your rich and delicious comment!

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  6. Beautifully said, Vikki. I love the vulnerability in you and what arises in me as I read your words. Taking courageous and confident steps toward an unseen future is exciting and challenging to say the least. Although I want to believe I can drive to my own vision, the truth is life unfolds through experience and choice. The trick, for me anyway, is clarity and a willingness to be unattached to a specific result. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Either way, if I’m paying attention, I awaken to a greater truth.

    Sitting in appreciation of you, your vulnerability, and your willingness to include others in the process.

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    • Mary, thank you for your thoughtful and affirming comment! I agree with your observation that willingness to move forward without being attached to the result is key. Envision, trust, let go, allow, receive…easy to say, not as easy to implement! Wishing you ease and elegance in your unfoldment.

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