“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
`Gautama Buddha, Philosopher, Spiritual Teacher, & Religious Leader

Staying home and being more physically isolated has created many opportunities for self reflection for me. How about you? Have you ever wondered if a decision you made in the past was the right one even though it may have been a few years ago? This has come up for me lately and kind of like an annoying gnat it doesn’t go away. It buzzes around and what I noticed is that self doubt, judgment, and second guessing became more dominant. In fact, I reached the point where I had to stop myself and sit with it for awhile. I found myself asking, “Why are these thoughts persisting? What is mine to know? How do I resolve this, stay present, and not dwell in the past?” 

I know that I’m not the only one that does this. Hmmm. It seems that I have an old habit of judging myself. I guess it’s been a learned behavior through the years. After so many years self-judgment feels like my favorite pair of comfortable shoes. Yikes! “Why do I find it easier to judge me than accept and love me?” I wondered. Spiritual author, Don Miguel Ruiz has written, “Forgive yourself. The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your own life. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows.” 

Why does forgiving oneself seem so hard? Have we learned that it’s better to suffer instead? Something for each one of us to sit with perhaps. Think about it. If we continue to beat ourselves up with judgment, self doubt and second guessing don’t we continue to spin our wheels and not move forward? We become stuck, don’t we? In the past I’ve found it easier to forgive someone else and not me. 

As i began to explore these questions I quieted my thoughts through deep breathing and going within during meditation. I became aware of the love that I am deep within my core. I was touched by the words from Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist Monk and Peace Activist, “The source of love is deep in us and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy.” Is it that easy? Can I ease my own suffering by letting go of self-judgment, doubt, and second guessing? Am I willing to change me? YES!! The source of me is love! If I can help others why not help myself? 

Change begins with me! Change begins with each one of us. The change is more internal and reflects outwardly through our thoughts, words, and actions. I believe that the more we forgive, accept and love all parts of us – the more we can forgive, love and accept others. How about you?

During these “stay at home” times I’m offering an introduction to my channeling of Luminus and the Messengers of Light, using Zoom, on Tuesday, May 26. 2020 from 2p-3:30p AZ time. Luminus and the Messengers of Light are beings who offer insights and healing through unconditional love. It will be recorded. If you are interested in participating or receiving the recording of the channeling please register at victoriabarna.com.