I have been feeling like I’m wasting time. I have about three weeks before I leave. It seems as if I am just waiting. In the meantime being in this state of limbo, seems like watching the clock tick.
Limbo is uncomfortable. It goes against most of the messages we are given about who and how we’re suppose to be! We should be DOING something!
I am amused by this, as I have been focusing on staying present for almost a year now. Yet the more I think I am present, the more it also feels like I am waiting… for the future to arrive.
How do we simply stay in the moment without our minds playing games? How do we experience now, without triggering emotions?
On the one hand it feels like I should be getting prepared. I should be packing, shopping, taking care of details. But it’s too early to pack.., shopping for what.., what details..? My mind is on full alert… and wants me to hurry up. And wait. For what?
This is an exciting time. So many circumstances are aligning perfectly for something new to emerge. And there is nothing for me to do about that. I don’t need to rush it along, fill the void, pre-plan my experience. It just is.
So I am practicing being in observer mode.
Watching how my mind tries to stay busy. Paying attention to the emotions that ebb and flow. Witnessing my beliefs, attitude and values reveal themselves. All, while hanging out in limbo.
Sometimes I think this time is confusing. Other times I think it is chaos. I have even had moments of thinking it is challenging. Simply because there is nothing for me to busy myself with.
Then I imagine what it will be like to spend three months in a country that has a more relaxed approach to life. A country that has its own pace. One that is very different than the one we live in.
My life is full with loved-ones who come from a culture that is more laid back. Loved-ones who at times I struggle to understand, because they seem to operate in a different time and space. Loved-ones who I sometimes think didn’t get the memo about how much “doing” has to be done!
And in the quiet of this limbo, a thought emerges. What if the culture of an entire country is aligning to help be more present. To live more in the moment? To allow time and space to exist with out trying to control, master or manipulate them. Yes, studying and learning a language. Not by doing it… but by being a part of it.
And maybe that process has already started… and because it is so new to me… I call it limbo.
With Light, Love, and Laughter