This week I finished a 60 day ‘self-healing’! I am not sure where the idea came from. But I know there were several things I had been thinking about for awhile. They all seemed to converge at this same time.
So when I say self-healing, I decided to focus on mind, body spirit. Writing about what I was experiencing and doing with my body. My thoughts and emotions. Even my spirituality. I would also include what I was not doing.
Everyday I wrote. Sometimes for an hour sometimes for 10-15 minutes. Each day was about capturing the where, what, how and why of my day. I started out with one idea. To pay attention to what I was eating. Most of us know what’s good for us. That doesn’t mean we choose that. This was the one structure I knew I could track. Am I making the choices that feel best and aligned for me.
Other than that, this has been an open expedition!
What I discovered is a new me. I am not the same person who started the writing exercise.
I didn’t have a particular agenda. But, my experience was completely different than what I imagined. I feel like I caught up with myself. I learned who I am by focusing on who I am becoming. I learned who I am by letting go of who I no longer am.
There are stories I have been telling myself. Stories about who I am. What is challenging. What is working and what isn’t. I have been telling stories about who I am as a spiritual being, business owner, friend, and husband. All with elements of truth. Yet, none of them current or up-to-date. Yet they seemed so real. They even felt comfortable because I knew them so well.
Writing everyday about the kinds of thoughts that occupy my mind, my time. Staying present to the actual emotions I was experiencing. And, by tracking the things I was and wasn’t doing for my body… I realized I didn’t know myself at all.
In the beginning every story I was telling wanted to come out. In fact there were a few of them that I was just waiting for. I thought I would maybe “get to the bottom” of them. I thought I might uncover the origins of these stories-that were mostly limiting. How did they get here? And, how would I change or heal them?
As they came up I was happy. It confirmed I had been right all along. When worry or fear would raise its head… I would think “there it is!” My constant companions. Insecurities, judgements, demands, doubts, were also there.., just to name a few. When they were present I would write about them. I would explore my stories around and about them.
The funny thing is once they came up and I acknowledged them by writing about them; they went away. They didn’t come back. After about three weeks I wondered if I was using some clever psychological ploy to avoid them. Was I fooling myself?
In the beginning of this exercise, I imagined and wrote about my future life. About this life I saw myself creating now. What I imagined it would feel like to be living my life, the kinds of experiences I wanted to be having and creating. And of course having all of this with ‘ease and elegance’ was one of the things I envisioned.
Now here I was asking myself if it could be this easy!?!
I feel like I have started the next chapter of my life. I chose this. Even if it was without knowing. Now when these old stories begin to surface, they feel off. They don’t quite fit. As soon as I realize there is even a hint of them, I simple say “oh, that belongs in one of the previous chapters”. Then let them go.
I share this with you because it seems like an ideal time to get present with who you are based on who you’re becoming! Time to move to the next chapter! At least it has been ideal for me!
With Light, Love, and Laughter