by Charles McAlpine | Nov 2, 2014 | Blog
Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into these situations! I think I know exactly where I’m going and how something will turn out; only to realize I’m not even close! I am in a state of shock (upset, or…). Or at the minimum, feel like a deer in the headlights. I suppose it is one more of those lessons about ‘control’. Note to self: “Oh yeah, that’s right.., control is an illusion!” Recently when this comes up, I have noticed that I have worked out an agreement in my mind. I have an expectation that when ‘Y’ happens, then someone else will do ‘X’. Except that ‘X’ never occurs. The other person is not following my plan or agreement. Of course, I never told the other person what my plan was. They never knew we had a silent agreement. Believe it or not, they are operating by their own plan AND it has nothing to do with mine. And suddenly I realize.., I have been making assumptions! So what do I do with my disappointment, anger or shock? Can I still be angry with someone, when they didn’t know I expected them to behave a certain way or that they would do a particular thing? Suddenly I am painfully aware that there has been no actual communication involved. Any dialog is in my head. I am negotiating, planning or strategizing with myself. I am an island! Damn! Now I have to regroup and start over. I have to ask for what I need. I have to negotiate or finesse. I have to accept that what I imagined and...
by Charles McAlpine | Nov 2, 2014 | Blog
Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into these situations! I think I know exactly where I’m going and how something will turn out; only to realize I’m not even close! I am in a state of shock (upset, or…). Or at the minimum, feel like a deer in the headlights. I suppose it is one more of those lessons about ‘control’. Note to self: “Oh yeah, that’s right.., control is an illusion!” Recently when this comes up, I have noticed that I have worked out an agreement in my mind. I have an expectation that when ‘Y’ happens, then someone else will do ‘X’. Except that ‘X’ never occurs. The other person is not following my plan or agreement. Of course, I never told the other person what my plan was. They never knew we had a silent agreement. Believe it or not, they are operating by their own plan AND it has nothing to do with mine. And suddenly I realize.., I have been making assumptions! So what do I do with my disappointment, anger or shock? Can I still be angry with someone, when they didn’t know I expected them to behave a certain way or that they would do a particular thing? Suddenly I am painfully aware that there has been no actual communication involved. Any dialog is in my head. I am negotiating, planning or strategizing with myself. I am an island! Damn! Now I have to regroup and start over. I have to ask for what I need. I have to negotiate or finesse. I have to accept that what I imagined and...
