As I sit here contemplating where to begin, my mind is drawn to the past. In times like these, when I sense or feel change coming my way.., one of the things I am aware of, from my past, is impatience! I guess I always considered myself a “change manager”. Mostly because the changes that I was aware of were external (moves, relationships starting or ending, new jobs, mergers, etc.). So, my goal was to get in front of the situation and attempt to control the outcome or impact of the change.
My impatience came from being able to see the vision of what I thought would be the best outcome for me AND doing everything I could to ensure it happened my way! And yes… I know how arrogant and self-serving that sounds. It is also true. However, if like me, you believed that these changes were inevitable.., then why not maximize the return on your investment of time, money, love, boredom, location, or <fill-in-the-blank>! It was always a very calculated process. A game if you will, and I was impatient to see if I was going to get my way… if I was going to win!
Fast forward to this time in my life… What happens when the changes that I feel coming are internal ones? What do you do, when there is no vision of what is to be… When the change is not a job or relationship or move? What happens when the change is “how you live, breathe and walk around in your own skin”? It is hard to be impatient for a change that you can’t actually define! Yet… there is something here that has that hurry up and wait feeling to it!
One way to describe what is going on, might be, the process of becoming more of myself! As easy as that sounds… it is actually not! It means questioning the people, places and things that have felt off or out of alignment for awhile. It means opening and allowing new situations to evolve. It means setting down old beliefs, attitudes and stories, that have felt like safe boundaries for a long time.
There is another piece to this new phase of the journey that I realize is also presenting itself. An invitation to stand visible in my own uniqueness, authority, mastery and power. How is that for a big “gulp”?
On the one hand, it appears that I do this already. Right? I mean, I write a newsletter every week that would appear that I am being visible. Isn’t this a way that I am sharing my uniqueness and authority? Perhaps.
However, lately I have also been noticing that this is easy with the people who are open and accepting of who I am and what I offer. But, what about those who aren’t accepting? What about those who don’t understand my unique journey? I can feel my own desire for invisibility. A desire to hide when I feel challenged or misunderstood! To sum it up… I have been comfortable with the safety of being small!
Yet, we are all evolving, changing and growing. For many of us… playing small or pretending we are less than… is an old paradigm that needs to shift! The interesting thing about this particular internal change is that we can’t know what it will look like on the other side of this shift. We can dream or imagine, however, until we set down smallness, what is truly possible is cloaked by self imposed limitations. Only our Souls know where this next phase of our awakening leads… And it is our Soul’s calling that invites us to experience these internal shifts! How about you… Any changes that seem to be asking you to set down being small? Become more visible? Or.., maybe step into and embrace your uniqueness? Birds of a Feather!