Blame and money. Money and blame. This has been my song this week and most of the time, it seems I have it on loudspeaker!
Here is how it keeps revealing itself. I open a piece of mail and find that someone or some company is demanding money. I realize saying ‘a lot of money’ is relative. If you have lots of zeros in your account balance, it feels different than if you have a few. However in the context of this conversations… Most of these demands are for more zeros than I have in my account AND there are several smaller ones that add up to more discomfort.
My initial reaction to each one of these is that the debt is not mine. I feel duped, mislead, lied to, and innocent. Which leads to anger, fear and feeling powerless. So I search for leverage and instead find blame. They did this to me! They are bad, they are taking advantage. They, they, they. It activates so many constricting emotions that I feel almost paralyzed. I certainly don’t feel empowered. So I use blame to direct anger and fury at THEM!
I am slow to see the pattern of what is unfolding before me. Each situation is about money. Each time my reaction is to blames others, as if I have no culpability. There is an entitlement to my anger and someone (else) needs to pay!
By the third or fourth time I find myself cussing someone out and feeling indignant, with my blood about to boil; I realize the Universe is sending me a message. That these situations, that seem to have arrived in a bundle are not about money. They are about my beliefs, attitude and values. Each one is an opportunity to stay present and to stay in my personal authority. A chance to take responsibility for my own reality creation. So far.., I have failed miserably. At least initially.
First of all; what happened to my healthy relationship with money? Where did my belief that I easily create abundance and wealth in my life go? Instead of looking at these situations as an opportunities to create what I need, I immediately went to scarcity and lack. As if I could not create enough. Is this how my life is now? Is that my new belief?
Let’s face it, starting a new business and watching your life’s savings dwindle over the course of several years, probably does play tricks with your psyche! However, my personal financial situation or in truth, the change in it, was something that almost anyone who starts an adventure like this should be able to predict. It is part of recreating your dreams. So when did the mentality of scarcity and lack sneak in?
Now I am not saying that I will simply pay all of these charges or bills. I will dispute the ones that I feel are in appropriate and I will take my share of the lessons from the ones where there were communication breakdowns. Some I will simply pay, because it would cost more in my time, than they are worth. But in general, I am releasing the unhealthy emotional binds created by these unexpected demands. It is time to lean into the resourceful aspects of self that are more than capable of bringing these to right resolution.
It is also time to reinvest time and energy into having a healthy relationship with money! Time to get intimate with the beauty, flow and support that comes from honoring and cherishing money and what it creates in our lives. It is the most prevalent energetic exchange that happens on our planet. So why would I choose to be disconnected from this energy source?
Time to step into the middle of my relationship with money and to allow it to be an ally – not distant or estranged. It is time to end the blame game!
With Light, Love, and Laughter