Blame Game

Blame and money. Money and blame. This has been my song this week and most of the time, it seems I have it on loudspeaker! Here is how it keeps revealing itself. I open a piece of mail and find that someone or some company is demanding money. I realize saying ‘a lot of money’ is relative. If you have lots of zeros in your account balance, it feels different than if you have a few. However in the context of this conversations… Most of these demands are for more zeros than I have in my account AND there are several smaller ones that add up to more discomfort. My initial reaction to each one of these is that the debt is not mine. I feel duped, mislead, lied to, and innocent. Which leads to anger, fear and feeling powerless. So I search for leverage and instead find blame. They did this to me! They are bad, they are taking advantage. They, they, they. It activates so many constricting emotions that I feel almost paralyzed. I certainly don’t feel empowered. So I use blame to direct anger and fury at THEM! I am slow to see the pattern of what is unfolding before me. Each situation is about money. Each time my reaction is to blames others, as if I have no culpability. There is an entitlement to my anger and someone (else) needs to pay! By the third or fourth time I find myself cussing someone out and feeling indignant, with my blood about to boil; I realize the Universe is sending me a message. That these situations,...

Blame Game

Blame and money. Money and blame. This has been my song this week and most of the time, it seems I have it on loudspeaker! Here is how it keeps revealing itself. I open a piece of mail and find that someone or some company is demanding money. I realize saying ‘a lot of money’ is relative. If you have lots of zeros in your account balance, it feels different than if you have a few. However in the context of this conversations… Most of these demands are for more zeros than I have in my account AND there are several smaller ones that add up to more discomfort. My initial reaction to each one of these is that the debt is not mine. I feel duped, mislead, lied to, and innocent. Which leads to anger, fear and feeling powerless. So I search for leverage and instead find blame. They did this to me! They are bad, they are taking advantage. They, they, they. It activates so many constricting emotions that I feel almost paralyzed. I certainly don’t feel empowered. So I use blame to direct anger and fury at THEM! I am slow to see the pattern of what is unfolding before me. Each situation is about money. Each time my reaction is to blames others, as if I have no culpability. There is an entitlement to my anger and someone (else) needs to pay! By the third or fourth time I find myself cussing someone out and feeling indignant, with my blood about to boil; I realize the Universe is sending me a message. That these situations,...