Who stole my summer? I can’t believe we are in the month of September already! I don’t remember feeling like this year was flying by.., until I realize fall is almost here! Darn, it sure sneaks up on you!
You can feel the change in the air! A few more weeks of these hot days, and suddenly it gives way to cooler evenings, morning coffee on the patio and the pool becomes a water feature in the backyard that you get to enjoy looking at, but swimming becomes a distant memory.
I am actually ready for some change. You see, I have been in an odd state for most of the summer. Everything in my external world is fine, but man, internally it seems like constant change; awareness, absorbing, morphing, readjusting, releasing and then starting over. I think I am close to figuring out what is going on inside my head, then boom… Back to square one.
I was talking with someone who offers intuitive insights and guidance, and they indicated that I would probably be feeling this way for another 6 – 8 weeks. Then perhaps I could begin to see what is beyond the horizon for me. Even as they were saying this to me, I was thinking… “The way things are going.., I could be a completely different person in 6 weeks!”
Sometimes when we have engrained behaviors or established coping mechanisms… It takes time to make adjustments or to integrate whatever is new.
I am the type of man that in the past has needed to have something I was working towards. I thrive with goals. Things that can be measured. Projects that keep my mind active. That sort of thing. The past few months, it has been next to impossible to set a goal or decide what the next project should be. Any attempt to settle on a direction, felt like I would be choosing something for the sake of having something to do.., not because it is or was the right thing to do.
I have been telling myself it is about me learning to “BE”… Instead of “DO”. And, although there maybe some truth to this. I wonder now if we don’t all have natural periods where we have to process and integrate the shifts and experiences we have been through. You know, those periods when we get to catch up with ourselves. Of course the Universe in its infinite wisdom orchestrates these integration intervals, exactly when and where we need them. These are the times for some of us, when we hear the shouts because we wouldn’t listen to the whispers.
With this in mind, I reflect back on how I have dealt with these integration periods in the past and the times leading up to them. You know what? I simply powered through them and just “did stuff” for the sake of not having to be with the stillness that can often accompany these times of metamorphosis. Now I am not saying that whatever I spent my time on wasn’t of value or didn’t turn out for the best. But from where I sit now, I wonder if they were not just distractions. Diversions from sitting in the quiet and allowing the shifts and transitions I had just been through to become more real.
As I contemplate this I smile. In the past, when I would recognize a pattern or behavior like this; or discover a new awareness about myself; I would be hard on myself for not “doing it right”, or not knowing about it sooner. They say we are hardest on ourselves. These days, instead I can be amused by how we eventually discover our lessons; even when we are trying desperately to distract ourselves! We know what we need to know, exactly when we need to! It is the beauty of these journeys we are on!
In closing an image comes to mind of a race car sitting in the pits; being refueled, replacement of worn tires, and adjustments and tweaks here and there. All the while, the driver (read me!) is still firmly planted in his seat, revving his engine, anxious to get back on the track and into the race! Maybe I will take these next few weeks to celebrate the care and maintenance that is happening all around me (to my race car)… AND be grateful for the pit crew that is always there offering support! Both the Seen… And Unseen!
With Light, Love, and Laughter