I am beginning to recognize a pattern and as a result, wanting to shift it. It goes something like this. I realize there is something I want to do, create or learn~I recognize that I don’t have the background, knowledge or skill. I freeze.
I then start to make things up about how difficult, expensive, challenging and/or time-consuming it will be. I drop the idea (at least for awhile). Now mind you, this is not everything – I jump into new things all the time. Yet
at the same time, there are those things that I know I am
moving towards, that in the moment, I refuse to look at.
Even as I write these words, I can feel this energetic shift, where the adolescent aspect of me wants someone else to figure this all out and make it easy for me. I don’t want to have to study or practice or heaven forbid, try this new thing and fall flat on my face, with all the cool kids watching! (btw… You’re one of the cool kids!)
It seems so odd to look at this pattern and realize the energy it holds for me. I thrive on learning and creating new things! How can both of these be true at the same time??? I guess this is where “risk and reward” comes into play! The more visible the project or potential for exposure… The greater the fear of failure.
Ahhh shucks! Now that this pattern is beginning to emerge more clearly I am going to have to confront it! Isn’t that the way our life-lessons work! The good news is once we begin to see one aspect of a situation, we are invited to bring in the voice and essence of the other aspects of ourselves to help provide a full picture of all that is possible. This doesn’t mean the fear from the adolescent is dismissed, instead, it gets to hear the enthusiasm of the child, the creativity of the artist and the acumen of the businessman (or any other we choose!). I have the chance to bring my entire “self” into the conversation… Not just limit it to the voice of fear or desire for ease.
Once again, keep your fingers crossed! I’m going in!!